Piss on politicians: A tale of two stadiums

A story started circulating in the last week or so that has me seriously thinking about getting into politics. Because if the buffoons who are responsible for this can be in positions of power, a stupid schmuck like me can do it too.

Apparently, officials from Washington, D.C. are talking about trying to woo the Washington Redskins to relocate back into the city. For those who don't realize it, the Redskins play at FedEx Field in Landover, Md. Been there for 10 years after leaving behind the miserable hell hole known as RFK Stadium. FedEx is one of the jewels of the NFL -- the largest stadium in the league at just under 92,000 seats, more than 200 luxury boxes. But the fact that seemingly has eluded the good mayor of Washington and some of his cronies on the city council is that the Redskins' tyrannical owner, Daniel Snyder owns FedEx Field. So even if the city somehow induced him to move back into town, he'd have to unload the stadium he's already got. And nobody is going to buy a 92,000 seat stadium that has no tenant. The mayor of D.C., by the way, is the same guy who repeatedly opposed funding of the new Nationals' stadium while he was on the city council.

Maybe if Starfleet Command called the starship Enterprise back into Earth orbit, they could beam FedEx Field into the District. Even then, you're looking at myriad problems with the utilities and infrastructure ... you know, sometimes even the easy solution can't work.

I don't live in D.C., so maybe I'm not permitted to comment on things like this -- I'm part of the country that taxes those poor people without representation, after all. But if I did live there, I would be disgusted that anyone in power thinks trying to lure the Redskins back to town is a good use of time. You mean you've got nothing better to do? How about focusing on the development of the area around the new Nationals' stadium? How about doing something about the crime that runs rampant and spills over into the surrounding counties?

The Redskins left. It happened. You had the chance to keep them there, but it didn't occur to you to do anything about the hell hole you had them playing in. And now, a decade later, you want to try to fix it. Too late. Move on. Be lucky you have a baseball team. They play literally 10 times more home games every year than the Redskins. That means if you create the right kind of neighborhood around that ballpark -- retail, dining, clubs -- you're going to have a major boom for the city's economy. Focus on that. Don't just make it good. Make it the best ballpark neighborhood in the nation.

Do that and you'll all have plenty of cash to bankroll a few luxury suites at FedEx.